Not Present
by Link
Summary: A parody of LOTR with Middle School. A sticker that enables anyone who wears it to completely blank out is discovered my the most unlikely character-- a nerd. Now its up to him and his companions to destroy the all powerful sticker.
1. Bill Leaves

Not Present A Lord of the Rings parody by Link 

Chapter One: Bill Leaves.

It was a cheery, bright sunny afternoon at Paulmer Middle School. A breeze was blowing, the birds were chirping, and everything was segregated. As usual. Every single clan stuck together. The nerds, the preps, the jocks, the gangsters, the Goths, the skateboarders, the bullies, everything was in place. Our fic begins in a small corner of the gigantic playground/field of the Middle School, where all the nerds hung out. And today was a special day, more than anyone would have thought so. Bill Bo was getting transferred to the Catholic school, and today would be his last day at Paulmer. He was giving a speech, and all the nerds were gathered for this special event. For Bill Bo was no ordinary nerd, but the nerdiest, most respected nerd of them all. 

The nerds are an interesting folk. They were small, and stayed out of business that obviously wasn't theirs. They were good at hiding and didn't like to middle in others business. However, the other clans that didn't beat upon them respected them, and didn't mind them too much. Unlike many other clans who hated all the other clans, nerds were peaceful and friendly. The nerds also respected one another with great care. So, this leaving of Bill was a great one indeed. For Bill was also the possessor of the most powerful, greatest item ever to land on the playground of Paulmer MS.

It was a sticker. Not just any sticker, but a sticker that read the words, "Not Present." To use this, one would have to stick the sticker on your forehead, and blank. That was all. You could just shut off your mind, stare directly into space (and not even acknowledge it) and just space out. People would see this sticker and respect your unawareness to everything, and simply leave you alone. Even the teachers. Boring lesson? Pop on the sticker. About to get beat up? Pop on the sticker. Very handy indeed.

For this sticker was forged long ago by the preps out of the highest polymers (with a sticky side that would never lose its stickiness.) It was originally made for the most evil, evil dude ever… Saion, leader of the 8th graders. That's right, the EIGHTH graders. Ruler of any grade is something is special, but the highest class in the school (besides the teachers)… now, that was something. But, one faithful day, he was attacked. All the preps attacked him and his force of bullies. It was one hell of a battle.

Well, the preps kicked the bullies asses, for one. Preps, specializing in the use of flinging rubber bands, nuked the bullies. All until Saion came out. With a bam bam here, and a bang bang there, the preps fell back. That was until the brave Harold stepped forth. Saion knew he was no match for Harold, so he put the sticker on his forehead. Harold's instincts told him to never punch a spaced guy, but he fought his will, and kicked Saion the great in the groin area. Yep, a solid connect with a Sketcher right underneath coming upward… you know how it goes. Saion crumbled to the ground, and Harold yanked the sticker off his greasy forehead and ran like the dickens. He dashed into the janitor's closet, right up to the furnace, the one place where the sticker could be destroyed once and for all. That's when the sticker took hold of him. He ran away with the sticker, but that's when the teachers caught him. He has never been seen since. However, while he was in his secluded prison of the teachers, the sticker left him. It blew out the window and into the hedges.

A bunch of time later, it was stumbled across by a nerd. His name was Sam Egal (say it fast), and he took the sticker and ran off to a secluded area of the field for a long time, never taking off the sticker, become thicker and thicker. The people feared him, for he had turned into a Freaky Kid. They called him Wallum and shunned him. He was long forgotten. That is, until he was found by a certain nerd of the name Bill Bo.

Bill found the sticker and ran, being chased by Wallum. Finally, Wallum gave up chasing. Bill kept the sticker for a long, long time. That is, until today, the day he was leaving.

"My dear nerds," said Bill, opening his speech. "I shall not keep you long. I have called you all together for a purpose. Indeed, for three purposes. First, I regret to announce that this is the end. I am going. I am leaving… tomorrow. So you have a day of condolences. Second, to say how immensely found I am of all of you. I don't know have of you as much as I would like to, and I like less than all of you half as much as you halfly know, and half of that is… and… uh…" Bill quickly yanked the sticker from his pocket and slapped it onto his forehead. His eyelids drooped, his jaw hung half open, his tongue lolling out to the side, his eyes going partially cross-eyed. Little did Bill know of the true power of the sticker. All the nerds stopped and stared at him, disappointed at the lame exit. They wondered what to make of it, so they just stood there. That was, until, a black-clad figured ran by, grabbed Bill, and ran off with him into the trees.

"What do you think you were doing there?" yelled the person as he ripped the sticker off Bill's forehead. Bill snapped back to animation. He recognized the figure as his friend Greg, the Goth.

"Aah, Greg. How are you, my old friend?"

"This isn't the time for this," muttered Greg angrily. "Listen, you know you can't take sticker with you to the new school, right?" Bill sighed.

"Yes, I know," he said solemnly.

"What do you plan to do with it?"

"I think I shall give it to my cousin, Joe. Greg… something isn't right. I do and I don't want to get rid of this sticker. It's like an eye, always watching over me. I feel like the cheese on cheesy popcorn, but there's too much popcorn and not enough cheese…capice?" Greg nodded and said no.

"Well, it'll do you good to give it up. Give it to Joe. Here, I'll give it to him." Greg held out his hands.

"No… no! You want it for yourself, don't you? I'm not foolish! I won't let you have it! It's mine, my… my precious."

"Don't you ever talk like that to me!" yelled Greg, seeming to grow taller as he talked. "Do that again, and you shall see the full wrath of a Goth unleashed!"

Bill sat down and put his head in his hands. "I—I'm sorry," he sobbed. He placed the sticker in Greg's hands. "Here, take this to Joe for me." He stood up and wiped off his snot on his sleeve. "I gotta go now. I have to leave early today.

"So long, my dear friend, Greg."

"Good-bye, Bill. Until we meet again." Bill walked off to the parking lot, took a last glance behind his shoulder at what would be forever known as his "old school," and then the 6th grader left.

More to come, you fool.


	2. New Companions

Not Present

Chapter 2: New Companions

"Bill! Bill!" Yelled Joe excitedly as he ran into the clump of trees. Instead of seeing his beloved cousin, there was Greg. "Hey, Greg! Where's Bill?"

"He's already left," said Greg with a stern voice. "But he left you this," he said, holding out the Not Present sticker.

"His sticker… I wonder why he left that. Oh well." Suddenly, the Goth jumped up.

"I must leave, my dear Joe." Greg closed Joe's hand around the sticker. "Keep it secret. Keep it safe." And with that, Greg dashed out, leaving Joe speechless. He looked down at the sticker, full of mystery and wonder.

Many a day later, Greg returned to Joe. His face was full of anticipation. "Is it secret? Is it safe?

"Listen, there is a huge danger inside this sticker. At all costs, you mustn't ever, ever put it on."

"What? Why? Greg, I'm confused. Explain."

"Ok. A long, long time ago, this sticker was made. Anyone who puts it on will blank out completely. I'm sure you've heard of the fight with Saion?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with—"

"Listen, anyone who wears this sticker will become possessed. The sticker will take over them, and control their mind and body."

"Poor Bill!"

"Bill is fine. He gave up the sticker."

"But what about me? Will I be ok?" pleaded Joe.

"Yes, as long as you don't put it on. But be warned, since this sticker has a mind of its own."

"Listen, I can't take this responsibility. This is all too much. Greg, take this sticker, please, I don't—"

"No!" Greg abruptly snapped. "No… don't tempt me. With this sticker, I will be too powerful, unstoppable. You're just a nerd, what can you do? Er… no offense."

"None taken, I'm used to it. But, what do you want me to do with this? And why does Saion desire this sticker?" Joe wondered.

"Joe, let me ask you this, and answer honestly. Would you punch a retarded kid?"

"A tard? No, that'd be awful."

"Right. And what about a blanked out person?" Joe didn't say anything. "Listen, with this power, Saion will be able to conquer Paulmer Middle School and rule over everything. You can't attack him if he's blanked. So, with this sticker, he will be an invincible fighter. PMS will be no more. It took a will so strong of Harold to rip the sticker off Saion's head, that he nearly collapsed right then, but most wouldn't even make it that far. Oh, and one more thing. Saion has sent spies everywhere. Don't talk to people you can't trust, and, as a matter of fact, talk to as little people as possible."

"I see, but what do you want me to do with this?" Joe asked again. Greg started to talk, but then he was interrupted from a rustle from a nearby bush.

"Stay down, Joe!" Greg urged. He took off one of his chain-link necklaces and held it out in front of him for defense. He cautiously edged forward little by little. Then, the Goth reached into the hedge and yanked out a being. Joe couldn't see a face, since Greg's back was towards him. Greg the Goth slammed the being against a nearby tree and pinned him.

"Dan Angie, what do you think you are doing?!?" Greg demanded. Joe rolled his eyes. Just ol' Dan, or Danny, as some people called him. He was one of those people who didn't give a Twinkie what they were called. Joe should have guessed it would be him. 

"How much did you hear?" Greg demanded again.

"N-not m-m-much, s-s-sir," Dan said nervously. Greg could feel him shaking. "Just about mind controlling stickers, retards, and the end of the school. P-p-please don't turn me into hair gel."

"I should after what you did," growled Greg, "but I won't." A smile curled on the Goth's lips. "I have a better idea."

"Hurry, there's no time to lose," Greg said hastily. "Grab some food and anything else you can carry. A walking stick is handy. Load your backpack. Not your schoolbooks, Joe. Maybe fifty cents."

"I don't understand still," Dan whined. "Where are we going?"

"For the last time, you are to make your way to Trippin' Dell, the land of the preps. It's just towards the direction of the playground, but that way is too risky. You may get caught. You will work your way through the woods behind the school and go around before going to Trippin' Dell. Talk to only those you can trust. Leave now! I shall meet up with you at Trippin' Dell. Go!" Joe and Dan dashed out of the area into the uncharted regions of the woodsy-area behind the school.

It was a long time later before anything remotely interesting happened. They were walking along merrily when there was a faint rustling sound. They stopped and listened. Nothing was to be heard. They continued walking, and the noise started again. Once they stopped, it stopped, too.

"Joe… I think we're being followed," said Dan.

"Oh, bother this stupid hiding game," said a voice. Out popped two more nerds. They were the friends of Joe and Dan, and their names were Jerry Brandyluk and Peter Wikkin, but everyone just called him Wikkin.

"What are you two doing? Go away! Let us walk in peace!" Joe angrily yelled.

"Sorry, not now.Listen, you're being followed. There's this gangster coming, and he's on a Schwinn."

"YEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAWWW!" came a scream from behind the woods.

"A… a gangster?" Dan asked.

"Get down!" Joe screamed. They quickly ducked inside a space between two tree roots. "Don't move, and don't talk," he whispered. They heard the sound of bike treads on crunching leaves, then the sound of a bike falling down, and then the sound of walking on leaves.

"Where is that *censor* *censor* *censor* of a sticker?" muttered the gangster, now really close. Dan, Jerry, and Wikkin closed their eyes. Joe pulled the sticker out of his pocket and stared at it. So perfectly round and shiny, the font so neatly printed. It wouldn't hurt to put it on, just one time? It was possession or his life. Why not? His thoughts were interrupted as Dan put his hand on Joe's arm and shook his head.Joe shoved the sticker back in his pocket. The gangster walked up and was nearly on top of the nerds.

Suddenly, there was a blaring siren. "Oh, *sensor*! The *sensor* coppers are here!" grabbing his bike, he ran off at full speed.

"Come on, it's not safe here," Joe said. "Let's go!"

And so the four nerds dashed off into the woods together, danger at every corner.


	3. The Prancing BMX

NOT PRESENT I TELL YE!!

Chapter 3: The Prancing BMX

"Jerry, Wikkin, you don't understand. You cannot come with us," Joe pleaded.

"And why not?" asked Wikkin.

"Why not? I… because… you see…"

"Listen," said Dan, "we will give you 4 luscious, tender, chocolaty ho-hos if you leave us alone," he said, dangling the packets in front of the nerd's faces.

"That won't do it," said Jerry. "We know about the sticker, and we know that you're leaving the area of the nerds for possibly a long, long time, and it has something to do with the sticker. Come on, it's kinda obvious. Seeing the way that Bill was staring at the sticker, we knew it was no ordinary sticker, and could be dangerous. Then, knowing Greg, and seeing your long talk with him, we knew you were going. It wasn't that hard to place the pieces of the puzzle together."

"Joe, Greg did say to talk to those who you can trust, and I doubt very much that these two are spies of Saion," Dan said.

"All right, you can join us if you wish," sighed Joe. "And we're making our way to Trippin' Dell, if you must know. But keep a low profile. I don't know who that gangster was, but he was obviously a spy of Saion, looking for this sticker. And talk to no one, if possible."

After more walking, they ended up in a fort. This was a casual, hang out fort that many people of many clans hung out at. It was known as The Prancing BMX. They had been trekking for a long time and needed a break and a couple of chocolate milks or 'artificial fruit drinks.'

They walked up to the gatekeeper. "What's the password? Heheh, just kiddin'. Nerds, eh? Haven't seen these folk up here in a while. What's your names and business?"

"I am Mo. This is Jan, Kerry, and Fikkin," Joe said, thinking a little too quickly for his own good. The gatekeeper looked at them quizzically. "Er… and our business is our own."

"Very well, Mo. Ain't Jan and Kerry girl's names?"

"Me kam fram China, me have odd name!" said Jerry.

"Very well, go right ahead," said the gatekeeper.

As they walked in, they saw many people of all sorts hustling and bustling around. Most of them were skateboarders.In fact, they were all skateboarders. The foursome sat down at some stools, and Jerry and Wikkin ordered some chocolate milk. Joe and Dan merely a place to sit down and chill.

After some time, Joe began to notice a man in the corner, munching on caramel dittos. Joe beckoned a bartender, so to speak.

"Excuse me, who is that man in the corner?" he asked.

"Him? Oh, that's Rider. Best bloody skater around. He can pull 360˚'s on flat ground!" All of this made no sense to Joe whatsoever, but he nodded and pretended he understood.

*Four chocolate milks later…*

"Haahaha!Oooh, that's a good one!" were the words that came out of Jerry's sugar-high mouth. "Wahoooo! Heheheee!"

"Yeah, well that's NOTHING," laughed Wikkin. "This one dude, Bill Bo was his name, oh man, hahaha, it was great! He was making this big ol' speech, and, hold up," he laughed, pausing to take a big chug of chocolate milk.

"You better stop your friends before they say too much," said a voice behind Joe. It was Rider. "There some strange people around here."

"Haha, ok, will Bill was making a speech, and then he completely screwed up, so he took a sticker out of his pocket, and to avoid getting made fun of, he—"

Joe, thinking quickly, jumped up on a table and started making up a rhyme to distract the people.

"Once there was a dude name Corey,

And he went out with his lass.

But he was really horney,

So he stuck his willy up her—" Someone kicked the table. Joe lost his balance. He tumbled. He teetered. And then he fell, down, down, down, towards the hard floor. While he was falling, the Not Present sticker slipped from his pocket. It fell onto the floor, and Joe landed headfirst, right onto the sticky side.

The world went into a haze. The people walking and shouting was one big mess, and he couldn't make anything out. But he did vaguely notice him being lifted up and carried away to someplace. Then the sticker was ripped off his forehead and reality slowly came back to him.

He was sitting somewhere, away from the confused mess of the Prancing BMX. Rider was there, looking very troublesomed. Joe noticed his appearance for the first time. He had brownish-blondish hair that was spiked with only water, so it flopped down some. Rider was fairly tall, but not skinny. His weight looked very healthy and average, and he was pretty muscular. Joe also noticed the skateboard on his side. It looked like it was frequently used, but carefully tended.

"Are you listening?" asked Rider. Joe snapped backed to reality. "Listen, that was the dumbest possible thing you could have done. Why did you do that? It'd be worse to let your friends keep on talking!"

"I…I didn't mean to," said Joe timidly. "It was an accident."

"Yeah, I know. But, you must listen to me and listen carefully. The gangsters are after you. We need to leave here A.S.A.P." There was a loud whoop in the background. "They're coming. Let's hurry!" They ran off. Dan, Jerry, and Wikkin were waiting for them. They took off.

"Joe, are you sure we can trust this guy?" asked Dan.

"I don't know, but it doesn't like we have much choice. Oh, if only Greg were here…" The whoops got louder.

"Come here!" yelled Rider. "We can climb in this secret cove!" They did so.

"Don't make a noise," whispered the skater.

After what seemed like an eternity, the gangsters rode by. Joe could here them stop soon afterwards.

"Damn, where are they?" asked one.

"I they lost us."

"We lost them, you fool."

"No, remember in all those movies with the car chases, and then they go like 'I think we lost 'em!' Like that."

"Shut up, fool, and keep looking! Split up!"

A gangster started walking in the direction of the five. Everything was dead quiet. The gangster came closer, and sniffed the air.

"Four nerds, one skater…" muttered the hooligan.

Wikkin glanced at Jerry and mouthed, "I have gas." Jerry shook his head. Wikkin closed his eyes. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not hold back his gas. A loud, bubbly, tuba of a fart emitted. This was like a tuba chamber orchestra playing a their lowest note at fortissimo on steroids. The gangster turned towards them at let out a loud, screechy whoop. All the other gangsters ran in on their bikes and surrounded the five.

"Wikkin, get a plug for your ass," suggested Rider.

Two riders lunged at Joe from different sides. Rider kicked one and whacked the other with his board. In came three, but with a big spin with an outstretched board, they flew back.

"C'mon dudes, all at once, aight? One…"

Joe gulped.

"Two…"

Rider looked around anxiously.

"THREE!" All nine gangsters on their bikes rode into the five.Rider was hacking this way and that, but there were too many. One got in towards Joe. He swung his fist downwards and slugged the nerd with a giant smack. Everything went black from there.


	4. Trippin' Dell

I'm still not present…

Chapter the fourth: Trippin' Dell

BTW, I left out Tom Bobbadil cuz he sux.

"Ooh… my head…" Everything came into focus. Then Joe remembered. The fight, the gangsters, the sticker… the sticker! Joe felt his pockets. Yep, still there. Things began to go fuzzy again. Joe had a pounding headache. He floated on the edge of sleep and awakening.

"Joe, you're awake!" exclaimed Dan.

"Awa? Awak?"

"How's he's doing?" asked someone.Person… who was that? Rider… yeah, he was Rider. The skater.

"Not so great," said Dan. To Joe, he said, "We were just stopping for a quick break. We managed to escape the riders for now, but they're still on our tail. Joe? Are you awake?"

"Awak? I dunn. Who ar you?" Joe said.

"He's delirious," said Dan.

"Just as I suspected. The only thing I can do for him now is to look for some special leaves. They won't completely heal him, but they will help." He ran off.

"Let's see… that's oak, poison ivy… damn, is there any Okedun around here?"

"Okuden, eh? You mean this?" Rider turned around.

"Lauren?" Rider stared into the eyes of his girlfriend. They embraced with a hug.

"What do you need Okuden for?" asked the prep.

"Follow me, I'll tell you on the way," he said, dashing off.

People. Two people. That was… that was Rider. The other one… a prep. Who was the other one? She's hot.She's talking. Why is she rubbing my face with leaves? Ok, that hurts. Something happened. I got hurt. Gangsters. Sticker.Quest. Why is she picking me up? Ok, she's running off with me somewhere.But no, I need to go to… that place. Where's that place? To… sleep. Yes, sleep. Just sleep…

"Joe, can you hear me? Joe, show some sign you can hear me. Wake up! Ok, I need to apply these leaves to your wound. They will numb the pain, you will feel better." She turned to Rider. "Listen, the only place that can heal this bruise is Trippin' Dell. But all of you won't make it there in time." She slung Joe across her shoulder. "I will run to Trippin' Dell with Joe, you guard the others. Got it?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Ok. I must hurry. We don't have much time!" Lauren ran off into the woods with the nerd on her shoulder at full speed.

Ok. What'd I miss? Something about a chick. Ok, I'm riding on the chick. And we're going somewhere. Weren't there… other people? Yeah, I was with someone else. No, I wasn't. Where am I? Where am I going? Sleep is good…

"Come on, Joe, stay awake!" urged Lauren. There was another whoop in the background. "Damn, the gangsters are coming."

Who is she talking to? Whooping. Whooping is bad. I think. Sleep.

The gangsters were coming, that was obvious. Lauren's legs were a blur as she dashed through the woods as fast as she could, but she was no match for the bikes of the gangsters. An idea popped into Lauren's head. Setting Joe down, she took out her boom box and popped in the Nellyville CD. Turning it up to full blast, she held it high above her head. The music blared out across the entire playground.

Hot in!

So hot in herre!

So hot in!

Ah!

The suggestive lyrics reached the ears of not only the gangsters… but also the teachers.

I was like, good gracious,

Ass-aboudacious!

UNG!

Flirtatious, trying to show faces!

The gangsters came to a halt. "Haha, why the hell are you playing music?" Lauren tossed her hair and grinned.

"Hmm, I think you shall find out for yourself soon enough."

It's getting hot in herre,

So take off all your clothes!

"WHAT IS THIS?" screamed a daemonic voice. "MUSIC PLAYING? BIKES ON SCHOOL GROUND?" It was a teacher. An infuriated teacher.

"But—we didn't do it!" stammered a gangster. "It was her…" he pointed in the direction where Lauren and Joe once stood.

But they were nowhere to be seen.

"In School Retention, all of you!" screamed the teacher. Her eyes were glowing. The gangsters waited for the horn to pop out of her head and the wings to spurt from her back, and the tail to produce from her, ahem, butt.

***

Joe awoke and with a feeling of confusion, like "Okay, what the hell just happened?" For one, he wasn't dead. That was a good thing. He was somewhere where he had never been before. It was warm. There was light. He was lying on a bench. It was surprisingly comfortable.

"Welcome to Trippin' Dell," said a familiar voice. Joe sat up.

"Greg!" he ran up and embraced the Goth. Greg shifted uneasily.

"Good to see you too, Joe. And there's someone else here who wants to see you," he said.

"Bill!" Joe exclaimed. "I thought you were at that catholic school place." Bill snorted.

"I would never miss the Council of Michelle Rond."

"The wha and the wha?"

"You shall find out soon enough, Joe," said Greg.

"I see. But where are Dan and Jerry and Wikkin? Are they safe?"

"Fear not. They are here safely. Rider took good care of them," said Greg.

"Ok… but I still have so many questions. What is going on? What are we to do about the sticker? Who are those gangsters?"

"All in good time, my friend," said Greg. "All of your questions shall be answered tomorrow in the Council. But now, you need your rest. You can do as you wish until then. You should explore this magnificent Trippin' Dell. It is a great place. It would do you some good to explore and meet new people. And once you are here, you are completely safe, and no one can harm you.For once, you are with people you can trust. Talk and relax. I shall leave you in peace to do as you wish. Come on, Bill." And he and Joe's cousin walked out of the room, leaving Joe full of questions and impatience.

"The Council of Michelle Rond…" Joe said to himself reflectively. He then got up and started exploring.

Short chapter, I kno, lame. and, uh, I fixed chapter 2 and 3, sorry for the screwed upness.

Peace.

--link


	5. The Council of Michelle Rond

N o t P r e s e n t

C h a p t e r 5

T h e C o u n c i l o f M i c h e l l e R o n d

*dramatic spacing, eh?*

In which Joe seeks council, bad foreshadowing happens, and Goths unleash powers

If you've just been skimming through this fic, you might wanna start reading now, because this is one of those important boring dialogue chapters…

"Joe, come on," said Greg.

"Huh? What is it?" he asked.

"The Council is about to begin," said Greg, "and you should get there early. You will be the most important person there." Joe was surprised at that, but he realized it was pretty much true. The sticker was his. Of course, the other people there could have a big role to play in the events that happened to the sticker, but so far, Joe was the most important. Him, a small nerd, out of all these big people, Goths, preps, jocks, skaters… it was odd. Joe had never felt important, and he had never really been important. But now, the most vile, evil thing in the world was in his possession… it was almost too much. Sure, the feeling was great, but such great responsibility… Joe had sometimes feared responsibility. He didn't like people to entrust him with big matters, such as a digital camera, a cell phone, or the fate of the world. Pressure was tough on poor old Joe, but, hey, a nerd's gotta do what a nerd's gotta do.

The council was held in a circle of benches. It was rather magnificent, the sheer number of people there. He took notice of all the different people and how different everyone was. It was great, though, seeing everyone from different groups unite. Joe had heard stories of how the preps and jocks had a rivalry in past days. He hoped this wouldn't affect the outcome of the decision.

Then Joe wondered what everyone else thought of him. What would be their first impression of Joe if they looked at him? Well, they may not even know that Joe was a nerd if they first looked. He wasn't a very nerdy nerd, but he fell into the category anyways because he enjoyed the company and friendliness of the nerds. Joe thought of his hair. It was brown and uncombed. Joe didn't comb his hair. Why bother, he thought? He wasn't trying to impress anyone or look good, he just wanted to avoid hassle. As such, his hair was rather askew, with the back part sticking up. He was short for a sixth grader, but taller than most of the other nerds. He then thought of Dan. A bit chubby with a fat nose, he looked a bit comical, but it was one of those things that you get used to.

Then there was Jerry. He had dirty blondish hair that was even messier than Joe's. He didn't look nerdish at all. He could pass for a skater… if he weren't so short. At four foot five, he was rather wimpy in appearance, but his skinny arms were surprisingly muscular. Wikkin had a rather babyish face, which got big cheeks when he smiled big. He had rather large black-rimmed glasses, but even though he looked like a huge dork, it was unnatural without them.

He also saw Lauren, Rider's girlfriend. She was really pretty. Her hair was long and reddish-brown. She had dimples when she smiled. Really cute.

And then there was Greg. He was really tall, for one. He had black hair which was spiked with a lot of grease and almost gleamed. He wore a lot of necklaces, and his pants were really baggy. And black. His shirt, too. Joe didn't understand why all these Goths were obsessed with black. It was weird.

Finally, the time came when the council started. (Wow, I used a page already…) Some guy came up and hit a gong with a mallet. Joe wondered where the gong came from. Looking closer, he realized it was just a pan hanging from a stand. Lame.

"The council of Michelle Rond will now commence." He was stern, but had a knowledgeable face. Rather odd for a prep, but Joe didn't know much about them anyway. "To start off, I shall introduce myself. I am Michelle Rond, owner of Trippin' Dell."

Greg closed his eyes and waited for it.

"Hey! Michelle's a girl's name!"

Greg checked his watch. It took 1.24 seconds for someone to say it. A new record. Michelle closed his eyes.

"I am aware of that. What do you want me to do about it? Sue my parents?" he sighed. "Ok, well now that we've established my name and gender, let's begin." He stood up and started pacing. "Well, let's start with this sticker. This is a sticker originally owned by Saion, created by, shamefully, the preps. Now, this is no ordinary sticker. Whoever places this sticker on his forehead will blank. Completely. There mind spazzes out, and they just stand there, an empty shell. This sticker… it has powers. Strange powers. For one, it takes over you. Posses you. Controls your mind and body. Once this takes over you, you have the unbearable urge to put it on. It's nearly unstoppable. And if you put it on too much… well… let me tell you a story.

"After Saion was sent to detention, the sticker left him. It was stumbled across by a nerd. His name was Sam Egal (say it fast) and it took over him. He is now… a freaky kid. Yes, a freaky kid. The lonely, pitiful creatures who no one understands. No friends, no sense, he's just there, muttering to himself. He is now called Wallum.

"The sticker was then stolen from this Wallum by none other than Bill Bo here. He had it for a long time. But Wallum still desired this sticker. No one knew how threatening he could have been until now. Wallum was captured."

"Captured?" exclaimed a jock. "Who would want to capture him?"

"You see, Wallum has a lot of knowledge about this sticker. And where it is. Wallum was captured… by Saion. He has escaped detention." There was a loud gasp from the audience. "Saion tortured Wallum with the most painful methods he could. I'm talking about… titty twisters." Everyone shuddered. "Saion gave Wallum titty twisters until he gave any useful information. Wallum uttered one word: Bo. So now Saion knows that the sticker is owned by one of the Bo's, either Bill Bo or his cousin, Joe Bo. So Saion sent out nine gangsters on bikes to search for this. They were really close, but no cigar."

"But why does Saion desire this sticker so much?" asked a skater.

"Would you punch a retard?" asked Michelle. "That's what I thought. And you sure as hell wouldn't touch a spazzed person. With this, Saion can become an invincible fighter. Unstoppable. Joe, bring for the sticker." 

Joe timidly stepped forth. He looked around. So many faces, all looking at him. Suddenly, he felt really small. He set the sticker on a pedestal. He ran back to his seat, eager to get away from the sticker for a bit.

"That's it?" asked a jock. "That measly piece of *censor* is the one thing which threatens to possibly destroy all of Paulmer Middle School? Why, I could rip it in half right now!" he walked up to the pedestal.

"Kim, don't!" but he didn't listen. Lifting it high above his head, he attempted to rip in half. His muscles flexed and bulged, he grunt and snorted, but then collapsed in a heap.

"That sticker is made from the highest polymers. The only way to destroy it would be to cast it into the furnace of the janitor's closet. However, that is the domain of Saion. So, now discuss, what shall be the fate of this sticker?"

"Before we do, I have something to say." it was Rider. "Some of you know me as Rider. But that is only a mask. Behold, I am Terry Gorn, heir to Harold." Lauren hugged him behind his back. He turned around and kissed her.

"Ahem," said Michelle. "Shall we continue?"

"Why don't we just hide this ring?" asked a skater. "I am Ben O'mir, the music player. I come from Ondur. As many of you may know, a giant fight is upon us. I seek allies for this brawl. As it is, out forces are diminished. This sticker business can wait. Will you accompany me on this more important task?" He had brown hair that was kind of shaggy. He needed a haircut.

"I am also the bearer of bad news," said Greg. "I am Greg. Recently, I went to see my good friend, Sam Uman, the Goth."

"Sam Uman?"

"Yeah, like Saruman, Sam Uman… ok, ok, really unclever. But that's beside the point. Well, here's what happened:

*flashback moment*

"Ah, Sam Uman. Good to see you again, old friend," said Greg.

"Yes, good to see you, too," said Sam, with a glint of evil in his eye (and the award for lamest foreshadowing goes to… Not Present!). "Come on up with me to me evil looking, inescapable tower."

"Sam, the reason I have come to you is to seek your council. What do know about the Not Present sticker?"

"Not Present? Quite a bit. Why do you ask?"

"Sam, I have left in possession of a nerd. I don't know what to do with it."

"A nerd, eh? Which one?" asked Sam. Greg paused.

"You have been very nosy. Why do you care so much?"

"Oh, just wondering. It would help me make decisions if I know more facts."

"Ok… his name is Joe Bo. He lives with…" Greg stopped. He looked around. All the doors, and every other meaning of escape from Sam's fortress were blocked. Sam grinned.

"Greg… old friend…" he chuckled to himself. Then, raising his arm, a black beam of energy shot out of his hand and hit Greg, causing him to hurl into a wall. Sam pinned him with his dark Gothic powers. "You should have known, Greg. Didn't you read the crappy foreshadowing a few paragraphs up?" Sam then made Greg slam into the floor.

"So… you switched sides, eh?" said Greg. "I hope you know that I am not the only one with hard core Gothic powers." He shot a beam that made Sam fly into the back wall. He slid down onto the floor. Greg shot a blast, but Sam deflected it with a blast of his own. Scrambling back up, Sam pinned Greg to the wall, and continued to bombard him with magical blasts.

*end of flashback*

"That's awful," said Michelle.

"Afterwards, Sam Uman kept me at the top of his fortress. I was trapped there for a long time. Eventually, a gust of wind extended a tree branch towards me. I grabbed on, and managed to escape from there. But Sam Uman is not to be trusted. He and Saion are now allies. Together, they are almost indestructible. They are the biggest threat. With the sticker, they will be bigger. To end this threat, we must destroy the sticker. The question is… *dramatic pause* who will go on this perilous quest?"

"I shall take the ring," said a prep. His name was Lego Lass, or that's what everyone called him. It was from an extreme obsession with Lego's as a child, and the name just stuck with him. He was tall and blonde hair that was parted like Leonardo DiCaprio's. Girls swooned at him.

"We cannot trust this matter in the hands of a prep!" yelled a jock. It was Kim, Kim Lee, the one who tried to rip the sticker. He was burly and muscular, with brown hair in a crew cut. Suddenly, everyone jumped up and started yelling and bickering all at once.

"I shall take the sticker," said Joe. No one heard him. They just kept on arguing. "I will do it!" still no answer. "Don't make me revert to caps lock… Ok, you asked for it. I WILL TAKE THE STICKER!!" Everyone stopped. There was a huge silence. No one seemed to move. They all just stood and stared at the nerd. "But… I do not know the way."

"I shall accompany you, Joe," said Greg the Goth.

"As shall I," said Terry.

"Me too," said Lego.

"I will go, too," said Kim.

"I shall journey with you for a time, until we reach Ondur," said Ben.

"I'm not leaving your side, Joe," said Dan.

"So far we have seven against the nine. We still need two more," said Michelle.

"That's us," said Jerry and Wikkin. "We're coming with you guys."

"Four nerds? What is this, a science fair?" Asked Michelle.

"It would take a billion seventh graders taking my lunch money for the next 80 years to stop me from going," said Jerry.

"To stop me, you'd have to punch your fist through my stomach, pull out my liver, drink the toxins, spit them back in my mouth, suck out my eyeballs through a straw, deposit them back up my—"

"That's quite enough," said Terry. "For battles, you have my skateboard."

"And my dark Gothic powers," said Greg.

"And my rubber bands," said Lego.

"And my fist," said Kim.

"And my boom box," said Ben.

"So it is settled. The fellowship shall depart to save the Middle School from annihilation. Best of luck to these brave warriors," said Michelle. "I can foresee very little of your road; and how your task is to be achieved I do not know. The Shadow has crept now to the feet of the Mountains, and draw nigh even to the borders of the Greyflood; and under the shadow all is dark to me. You will meet many foes; some open, and some disguised, and you may find friends upon your way when you least look for it. I will send out messages, such as I can contrive, to those who I know in the wide world; but so perilous are the lands now become that some may well miscarry, or some no quicker than yourself." Everyone looked at Michelle shocked that he made such a powerful speech off the top of his head. Michelle put down his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring.

"What? Haha, the Fellowship of the Ring! How did THAT get there? Hmm, well I sure know I WASN'T reading that speech from the book! Definitely not! Haha! The Council of Michelle Rond is now… closed!"

Whoa… Michelle, Kim, and Terry are all guys… that turned out odd… that was a big chapter, eh? Guess which character shares a name with moi.

Peace.


	6. Cadrabass

Not Present

Chapter VI

Cadrabass

And to those of you who commented on my grammar mistakes: I don't give a hoot about spelling. It's about the story that counts. And please, for the love of God, give me some relevant reviews…

And so the fellowship took off. Greg the Goth took the lead. Behind him went Terry Gorn, the skater. After that went Joe Bo the nerd. Behind him was Dan Angie. After that was Wikkin, then Jerry. Behind those walked Lego, the prep. After that was Ben O'mir, the skater. And following up behind was Kim Lee, the jock.

"Ok, crew, listen up. To make for the shortest possible, were going up Cadrabass hill," said Terry.

"Cadrabass?" asked Joe. "Isn't that the land of the music players?"

"Yep. And I'm not sure how they will react to us crossing their land. Depending on the billboard chart, they may be grumpy or not. We shall see."

Finally, they arrived. And it didn't look so good.

"Oh my God. I can't believe Eminem is still on the charts. He is sooo overexposed."

"I know! And what's all this country crap appearing everywhere? I am so sick of songs about shoes!"

"Seriously. And Aaliyah's 'Miss You' hasn't even hit top ten when it should be number one!"

"Same with Pink's 'Family Portrait.'"

"Yeah, and 'Stole' by Kelly Rowland isn't on top ten? Come on!"

"If Eminem's 'Lose Yourself' is number one for one more week, I am going to hit someone."

"And 'Girl Talk' by TLC, I mean, one of the members just died, and it's also a great song!" They couldn't take any more.

"Greetings, music listeners!" spoke Greg. His voice was loud and important. "We are but a group of humble travelers. May we have permission to pass your hill?"

"Pass? No way. Why would we let you pass this?"

"What if we refuse to listen to your bidding?" asked Terry.

"Then we shall hit you with these clumps of grass."

"Farewell my lonely one, nothing can be done so, hit the freeway," sung someone.

"We don't want to make things complicated," said Ben.

"Why you have to go and make things so complicated?" sung a listener. They ignored him.

"Greg, this is too difficult," said Terry.

"Our only other option is to pass through the tunnels of Boreia. But, we really don't want to go through that. I think we can endure the grass being chucked at us."

"Very well." He turned to the music listeners. "We have made up our minds," said Terry. "We shall cross your hill, and endure any grass you throw at us."

"Very well," said the listener who was probably their leader. "C'mon, dudes. Let's go."

And so the nine walked up the hill.

Big mistake.

There was a crapload of grass. It was insane. A wall of animated weeds was hurling this way and that. They couldn't even see. It covered them, consumed them, buried them alive.

"What should we *gak* *cough* do?"

"Don't worry, *coughcough* *gak* Joe, it's not too bad. I've seen worse."

The green only grew thicker. "Give up, yall. It's not worth it," said one of the causers of this madness.

"I can't handle this," said someone. It was Wikkin.

"I agree. This is too much," said Ben.

"Very well," said Greg. Somehow managing to stand erect, he bellowed, "Stop this! We cannot take it any longer!" The raging flurry subsided. "We shall retreat and bother you no longer!" And with that, the fellowship ran off the way they came.

"What shall we do, Greg?" pleaded Joe. "Is there no other way?"

"There is one other way," said Greg. "That is to pass through the Tunnels of Boreia."

"Boreia?" asked Jerry. "What's that?"

*recap history moment*

"The Tunnels of Boreia were created a long, long time ago by the jocks," said Greg. Kim chuckled to himself. "It was created in attempt to make a hangout for people bored with school and wanting to chill and relax. Thus the name Boreia. It is a complex of underground tunnels under the playground. It's quite fascinating, really. There's this whole world underneath the field that so little know about. But, sadly, the place was taken over."

"Taken over?" asked Dan. "By who?"

"The seventh graders," said Kim sadly. "They invaded this once peaceful, happy environment." He sighed. "No one goes in there now because of them. Absolutely no one. There are so many seventh graders in there. I didn't know so many existed."

Wikkin gulped. "And… you mean to tell us that we're going in?"

"It's the only way," said Greg. "Cadrabass takes up so much of the playground area, it's really our only option."

They soon found the entrance. It was a meager hole in the ground in the nook of two roots in a tree.

"Is everyone ready?" asked Terry. "There are many dangers within this cavern. Some unexpected, and even I may not be able to foresee them. But whatever may happen, I just want to wish you all good luck. Be careful." And with that, they hopped into the tunnel.

It was dark. That was the first thing they noticed. It took a while before they could see anything. Everyone was a faint silhouette, like a shade of black against a darker background.

"It's so dark in here," said Dan, then wishing he hadn't said it, for it was so obvious and stupid.

"Not matter," said Kim. "I can find my way around these tunnels, light or dark. That is, if nothing has changed since I left." Joe was troubled at this slight unreliability, but there was nothing he could do.

They walked along for a bit, blindly feeling their way around, Kim in the lead directing them.

"Root," said Kim as Wikkin tripped. "Sorry. Shoulda warned you a bit earlier. Isn't there another one?"

"Yep, found it," said Jerry, getting back up and dusting himself off.

"Yep, you might want to be careful. You never know when—" he was cut off by a rubber band whizzing by his head. It missed from a nimble duck by the jock.

"Seventh graders…" muttered Terry, brandishing his skateboard. "Prepare for battle."


End file.
